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Brian Golla is known to be a self-made multi-millionaire, noted philanthropist, Nobel Prize winner and all-around kickass guy. Made famous by his rescue of orphans from certain death, advisor to the president, he has once disarmed a terrorist attack using only his wits, a paper clip and a bag of salted peanuts. Still events surrounding his life are shrouded in mystery, but some say he dons a cape nightly and fights crime, is fascinated by ducks, and has a penchant for utter bullshit.

What is known for certain is that he lives in Austin, Texas with his sweet but moronic dog, Murphy, and posts to his blog at waitingforcoffee.blogspot.com about as often as the installation of a new pope.